Black Humor Jokes

Von Peter Friedrich

The one I love best is: A baby seal walked into a bar and sat down.
“What can I get you to drink?” asked the bartender.
The baby seal said: “Anything but a Canadian Club!”
That`s a political satire with a tragic pun in three short sentences.

Black humor jokes easily describe situations far better than long psychological essays. For example, take one of my favourite ones:
On their 50 year wedding anniversary, someone asked the husband: “What was the best time you had in all these years?”
Husband: “The five years being a POW in North Vietnam!”
That´s a two sentence psychohistorical analysis of a marriage that can´t be done better.
I have read a lot of books on psychology, sociology and more, but nothing beats jokes.
Jokes are just another form of serotonine doping, without the legal fuzz.
These jokes are politically incorrect, offensive, weird, sometimes offending.... you name it, but only jokes.

• Sprache: Deutsch
• Herausgeber: XinXii
• Erscheinungsdatum: 1. Okt. 2015
• ISBN: 9783959268370

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DISCLAIMER/WARNING

The content of this E Book is full of inappropriate material.

It is absolutely not suitable for children or people tending to be easily offended.

Within are jokes that are politically incorrect, weird, about religion, racism, crime and sexual acts.

Remember: what you read are not points of view, but jokes, nothing more.

Every effort has been made to try to ensure, that this compilation contains no jokes by professional comedians. Please be assured that if any have slipped through the net, it was an entirely unintended oversight and accept my unreserved apologies for this.

Black Humor Jokes

A baby seal walked into a bar and sat down.

What can I get you to drink? asked the bartender.

The baby seal said: Anything but a Canadian Club!

On their 50 year wedding anniversary, someone asked the husband: What was the best time you had in all these years?

Husband: The five years being a POW in North Vietnam!

A catholic Priest was asked:

Why did you become a priest?

His answer: Well, dad was a priest, grandpa was one too..

A three year old boy in his bath examined his testicles and asked,

Mommy, are these my brains?

Mom said, Not yet, honey.

George W. Bush suffers a heart attack and dies. He is sent directly to hell, where the devil awaits him.

Devil: I don´t know what to do, you´re on my list and deserve to be here, but I just have no room left. So we have to find a solution….. Well I got some guys here, who are not anywhere as worse than you are, I`ll set one free, and you will cover. You will decide who can leave

„That sounds really good says George and the devil enters the first room. Inside he sees his dad getting waterboarded again an again. No thanks that’s not for me,… I ain´t good at swimming."

The devil opens the second door. He sees a hollow eyed Barack Obama reading from a giant never ending teleprompter. Oh no, thank you, I have problems with spelling, that wouldn´t be appropriate for me.

The devil opens the third door. Inside lies Bill Clinton, feet and hands tied, with Monica Lewinsky kneeling beside, doing what she`s best at.

George grins, nearly not believing what he sees: Oh yeah, I could do that.

The devil smiles: Ok Monica, you may leave now!

The body of a negro containing 57 gun shot wounds was found in West Texas.

Sheriff: Worst suicide I have ever seen!

Darling, I`ll be going to visit my mother tommorow and spend a week with her. Is there anything I can do for you?

No thank´s that´s enough!

Why are men naming their dicks?

They want to know who´s their boss for the rest of their lives.

Why won`t sharks attack IRS employees?

Professional courtesy.

Women who don´t have kids are useless.

Anything else men do better.

Two American secret agents have assassinated Boris Jelzin.

Their names: Jim Beam and Johnny Walker

A woman was in bed with her husband Bobs best friend, when her mobile phone rang. After finishing the call, she turned to her lover and said: That was Bob, but don`t worry, he won`t be home for a while. He`s playing cards with you!

All women in the USA were questioned wether they would got to bed with Bill Clinton.

60 % answered: Not again!

Barack Obama and Wladimir Putin meet guest on the white house lawn after a daylong talk in the oval office.

One of the guests asks: Mister President, what were you talking about the whole day?

We are planning world war three

Oh, and how will that work?

Obama: We´ll kill about 4 billion muslims and one dentist…

The guest looks disheveled: „But,..